Northview Stories

Marni:
I grew up in an alcoholic home and thought I would never become an alcoholic. And, I actually started using drugs and alcohol in eighth grade.

Growing up with parents that were alcoholics was really scary. It was walking on eggshells, not knowing what to expect. I remember being terrified all the time and I remember just wanting to be loved, especially by my father. I just, I really just wanted him to love me and no matter what I did or didn't do, you know, he just, he couldn't show up.

What first drew me into drugs and alcohol was really just peer pressure, or somebody had it available and said, "Do you want to try it?" Even though I was terrified, I went ahead and tried it anyway. It snowballed. And every time I used, I didn't have to feel the pain, or the hurt, or the anger that I had from things from my childhood. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking, "Who is this person? What are you doing?" And just feeling like absolute junk, just like a piece of junk. I hated, hated who I'd become. I couldn't stand who I was anymore. And I couldn't believe the things that I had done and where alcohol and drugs had taken me.

I was with a roommate at a Denny's one day, one night, and we were studying and I usually was very quiet and pretty much like a rug that you could walk on all the time. And, next thing I know when we're sitting there, I look over and there's these four people that I just, I know that I know that they're recovering alcoholics and I don't know how I knew. I just knew. And, we're sitting there and I knew that God placed them there. I knew God was telling me to ask for help. And, I started shaking and sweating and I looked at them and said, "Are you guys recovering alcoholics?" And, they laughed and said, "Yeah, why?" And I said, "I need help."

When I started attending AA, I started working the 12 steps and my life just started to change in ways I can't even, I can't even explain. It was just amazing. I went to a meeting and someone said, "Why don't you come to my church, check it out. It's called Northview." I remembered and I walked through the doors of Carmel campus and my heart just, just felt safe and not alone. It just felt warm.

When I look back on my life and I see, even in my brokenness, God has always been pursuing me. He used AA to rescue me and to save my life. And through it I've learned about God and spirituality. But through Northview, I developed a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. One of the things I love that Pastor Steve talks about is how God can turn a bad situation, he can take a bad situation, and make good out of it. And, I believe that God has done that over and over again in my life. And, there's just so much redemption that I've seen God do in my life.

You know, I just celebrated 16 years of recovery and it's given me just so much hope and just to see how God works in people's lives is just, it's amazing. You know, he is so good. There is so much freedom in my life now. And I'm so grateful for that.